Oh Target (pronounced Tarjay with a Quebec accent)…
Us Canadians aren’t really pleased with the one night stand you just pulled. We are a real country. With real feelings.
(We feel badly)
Though, we actually won’t be O.K. until we say “super sorry things didn’t work out here. ”
At first we were like, “ohhh Tarjay is coming. Tarjay loves us enough to move in (furnished!)!” And then, when you unpacked, it seemed you forgot some stuff. Like, inventory and low prices.
Even when you started to stink we probably apologized. But, we pulled up our big girl snow-pants and kept shopping.
Being with you was still acceptable, though not as often as you liked. Even when you lost our credit cards and put us in serious jeopardy, we still let your hands hold ours.
This morning, as we rose from the warmth of our Waverly comforters you were gone. Or at least left a note (thank you, it means a lot)
Wham, bam you’re not that into us anymore? You’re leaving!? WHAT!? (Again, we’re sorry.)
No, it can’t be. It’s only been a few years. It’ll be fine, just ask us nicely to shop, again. One more time. We’ll use cash!
(Now we feel Angry)
We aren’t disposable you know.
We gave up our beloved Zellers, which we’d now like back, thank you. And we want to take this moment to voice our public regret for cheating on them too. ( Sorry Zellers)
(It’s your fault, actually)
Many of us had made Target our Mecca, crossing dangerous borders to shop. Finding tantalizing items, not seen in our land. Amazing values, so insane (to us), we kindly bothered an associate to see if was a mistake, which we also apologized for.
So we begged you to come. We opened our hearts!
Your colours ,( fine – we will spell it colors) are the same as ours! Red and white, but now you’re blue? Should we have been loud and boisterous?
Trust me, amongst ourselves, in our journals we were steamed up! But now…oh now ,our pancakes are burning on the grill. YES next to BACK BACON. SO WHAT!!!
(Calming, and Embarrassed)
We didn’t mean to yell.
(A little anger left)
Fine. Go home. Be that way.
It’s not the last time we’ll meet.
We don’t mind making the long distance relationship work, again.
Sorry you have to go. It will be hard to box up everything and admit defeat.
It’s not that hard to pack, cause you barely brought anything to begin with.